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    9/17/2009

    起伏

        还以为心可以开始晴朗起来了,却竟又回到阴霾……我不得不承认,不管我多么想带给人阳光,多么想阳光起来,暗暗的那一部分是存在在那里的,所以为什么我可以理解Water……只不过唯一的也是本质的不同就是我的阳光是显性的阴霾是隐性的,显性当然可以打败隐性。
        两个人能走在一起,必然有他们相像的地方,我越来越相信并且证实了这一句话。不管是之前还是现在,总是能找到那些共同点。毕竟是物以类聚,人以群居,祖辈的话让人越证实越觉得是智慧的结晶,或者有人要说成是经验也好。CG说他是一个阳光的人,所以他一定会找一个阳光的人。他说我总是不愿意面对自己,其实不知道他知不知道,他有时也会做这样的事——不去面对自己,宁愿说些什么让自己相信自己是那样的或不是那样的。可能这是人的天性?逃避的天性?
        总是会觉得混乱,觉得孤独,觉得不能安心,所有人都会告诉我是我想太多,包括我自己,也是这么告诉自己的,想太多,真的想太多,干什么要那么复杂呢?为什么不能简简单单的呢?如果有答案,如果可以控制,Water就可以解脱了吧?那些天底下千千万万不得安宁的人就得以安心了吧?太多东西不是人说了算的。对于我来说,我希望我把阴暗放在这里,就留在这里,在真实中不会有人看到。在这里看到了的人也请放心,这只是一个清理理顺的过程而已。
        我不知道日积月累堆起来的那些成见,是不是真的可以清空重新来过,如果不可以,我们该怎么办?我们是不是真的可以全部刷新再来一次?这种未知的感觉真是让人慌张……早就想安定下来的我,是不是要注定一直这么不安定下去?
        睡觉!

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